Sunday, September 29, 2013

What's new?

Well, not a ton of news, love the new Dodge, thinking of getting FORD decals for it, so I don't feel quite as odd driving it. last 4 vehicles have been Fords, grew up with Fords. Oh well, nobody will recognize me in a Dodge, I guess that's something eh?  The thing is bright red, that'll surely go unnoticed as well.  Maybe I will spray paint it camouflage or all black. That should up the value.

Anyway, not great on gas, it is a beast of a vehicle. Room of a minivan inside, tons of storage space and can tow a whole lot more than our Escape did.  Which we will hopefully need.

Ok, on to the hunt!  Some may recall last fall, I went gun hunting for deer for also the first time in at least 15 years, and needed a baby sitter next to me opening day, and slowly after that no longer needed someone right by me, but nearly within screaming range, or at least by phone and quick rescue by Coast Guard!  This is a two part story I guess.... Now I rarely even take my medicine in with me for that "just in case I really feel rotten" times.   So, I am progressing with that, taking away my crutch having my meds is a big step for me and no longer needing anymore remotely close is also a great upswing.

Also, last fall I was totally unable to get in a tree stand of any sort off the ground. Well shouldn't say that, I got in one very easy, and was ready to launch myself right back out face first I got such a panic attack so quickly, I hung on to the top rung the rest of the night shaking, but did not want to give in and go all the way to the ground and let another fear rule of me.

So, this year bow-hunting, it's so much better to be up in the air, can see game coming, they can't see you as easy, and so on and on and on.  So, I am determined to win that battle, and have had some success.  First couple nights I looked up at that stand, and just shook my head and said the heck with it,  right now I am just happy being able to hunt on my own and not have to be concerned about help, or taking medicine to get by.  A  couple of nights I stood in the stand for a little THEN I felt like screaming and launching myself out.

So, tried a different approach, I started climbing just up in trees without stands,  I only got up to 12 or 13 feet, which is better than a kick in the butt, and had no trouble at all.  So I progressed with that approach, and finally got up in a "man-made" stand the other night,  and sweated and shook and hyperventilated all night, but I made it through 2.5 hours of it.  So, it starts, next time maybe it will be easier, maybe not.  Everything new is a fight with anxiety,  and everything you don't do on a regular basis becomes a struggle again.  Like lawn mowing.  I got to the point this summer when I was so comfortable on one again I almost fell asleep several times.  Now it's been close to a month since I have had to be on one, or couldn't be due to rain or whatever.  Today was a struggle again.  Was having immediate anxiety problems trying to cut down the hayfield of a front yard.
So, on goes the struggle I guess.  That is so frustrating. I can't be doing 15 things at once constantly, not possible, so I am at a bit of crossroads with anxiety.  It  won't win.  But it sure isn't giving up a hold of me either. Guess I'll talk to my Doctor see what words of wisdom he has.  I don't know what to do on this matter.  Can't mow lawn during winter.  So next spring I basically have to learn how to let my mind relax and learn how to do it all over again.  Now that sucks.  Same will go for snow blowing this winter.  Last couple years I've been able to fight through it in the beginning and by the end of winter I had no problem doing it.  Even jumping on the big tractor on the farm and plowing all the driveways their with ease at the end.

Now, I gotta start all over again. VERY frustrating.

No, Packers this week, Haven't touched my trapping study material in a couple weeks, just too much going on to take on new projects, I'll get it done eventually.

A lot of people take for granted what they can do without thinking about it every day, where as some like myself everyday is a struggle.  I tend to try to enjoy my life's victories and cherish them a lot more now, like hunting and watching football, and getting back to work on our campers again.  Especially before the snow flies.

Ok all for now, been a few days figured I better say HELLO!!