But when I finally reached the lowest depths I could, and decided now, now is the time, it must end, not my life, but the beginning of a new life a new world. I was going to the hospital and that's it, I knew I would be scared to death going there, being there, but it's a hospital. They know what to do for anxiety problems, sure It sucked waiting there, but life began again for me that night, I was reborn. Thank god.
SO, I totally agree that no matter what is thrown at you with anxiety, it sure as heck won't kill you, no matter how bad it seems.
Wonderful cycle of anxiety and panic. It's so odd how it works, so complex yet so simple. It's amazing how fast you can talk yourself into a panic attack, and just like that, it's gone just as fast. The problem is, without medical help for most people, the panic gets worse the longer you wait, gets easier and easier to go into full blown panic for more and more things, quicker, they will last longer and make it harder to overcome, sleep becomes far and between.
Anyway, 10 years of hell, and a year and half of recovery so far, and growing with every day, and all it took was one trip to the hospital, and determination that I wasn't leaving until I got the help I needed, and a course of follow up action to keep anxiety and panic further out of reach each day there after. Every day is no longer a struggle anymore, sure panic jumps in now and then, but as quick as it comes it goes away.
OK, moving on from my daily lecture.
This weekend, I'm "PLANNING" on going to Argyle, by way of watching the Packers opening game at my good friend Jeremy's place, that's what I want to do, but since driving isn't exactly coming that easy to do yet, especially alone, that will depend on a certain someone else to get my butt over there.
Since panic is no longer my focus on life, TV is no longer a focus either, I usually only turn it on for NFL football anymore, too busy enjoying life to stop and watch commercials, well of course the Internet apparently has a very solid grip on my daily life he he.
Dad is going out to Colorado with Dr. Lance, no not me, I surely am no doctor, played it a few times, but never got a degree, so Jeanne and I are "maybe" going to try and redo the hardwood floors in the old houses' living room while he's gone, really neat over a 100 year old wood floors, we'll see, would be nice, not like I don't have enough to do already............
Before I forget. T.B. this is for you :P
just remember it won't kill you, just feels like it, take the leap and get the help you deserve.
OK, back from a station break. Spent over 5 hours finishing the demolition of the travel trailer today, now just for major cleanup inside, and decide which course of action is next, either full destruction down to bare bones, meaning the outer covering off, or not. Work on some of the electric, clean up power converter, work on some of the plumbing. *sigh* it may never end.
Promised my mother that I would paint a picture for her, well her birthday is tomorrow, wow 62 years old!!! Getting old mother :) errr did I really type that, she'll never see it!!!! I suppose I should work on that too, once again, not really enough to do, study for trapping license test, build up travel trailer, sell or rent pop up camper, train the dogs, mow at least 2 lawns again soon, get outside and weed in Burlington, needs it badly, do my dads hardwood floors, need new tires for truck, possibly shocks also, let's see, I'm missing a dozen or things. Heck with it, it'll come to me later.
Oh, find time to eat. Not like I need it, getting a belly on me that seems to stick the older I get no matter what I seem to do. Oh well eat later.
What else can I ramble about? Did I mention how glad I am that I continued writing this? It's so much fun to share my experiences, and for those that suffer from ANY issues that I've gone through I just hope you understand there is always a way, always hope, I hope there is more people that if they need help, please feel free to contact me anytime, anywhere, for YOU, I will make the time, I know what's it like to suffer, and I know the way to freedom.
SO, THANK you, all those that kept asking me to continue writing, and thank you SO much for taking your own personal time to read through my ramblings. I surely appreciate with all my heart.
Later :)
Lance
