Going to skip over a few days to get right to the present time, because I've been having some bad flare ups of anxiety the last week. Biggest thing I believe I can attribute to it, is I've been playing some computer games for quite a long time at night for past 4-5 days. Today at home wasn't feeling great, needed to go to the hardware store for a part for a light fixture. Wasn't comfortable going there, and was ready to scream in the store, couldn't get out of there fast enough. I've been to this store already, just once but it was still not foreign to me.
But i'm really quite pissed off at this panic i'm feeling. Or more so annoyed with letting it get to me, and probably causing it myself. I know playing video games and sitting on my ass leads to issues with anxiety every time.
So anyone that has anxiety, panic, social anxiety whatever, don't sit on your ass and hope the distraction of surfing the web, playing games, watching porn, whatever you choose besides read my blog, do what you gotta do on your computer if you suffer from symptoms of anxiety like me, and then got off your freaking ass and do something else. Anything else. Something that uses your brain, your muscles anything but your glutius maximus.
I've now put myself behind the 8-ball a bit with this, I can now associate my anxiety and panic with going out places again, which is horrible for me. So, now i'm writing this, hoping anyone who has issues to take my advice and move your butt off your recliner, your sofa or bed and don't let it get you too.
Trying to finish through a nice post here soon as I can, and spend the next 6 hours working on whatever I can find, getting in the car and going to a store tonight, and beating this anxiety crap back again. Once this gets a hold of you it's a like a cancer and feeds on your thoughts, and probably just as painful to endure. And you feel like you will die, that's about the only difference from anxiety to any deadly disease, it feels like you have moments to live, but none of the thoughts or feelings will kill you.
So, since I've come back from the farm journey to homeland, I have felt like I've been on a slight spiral downward. And I feel as though I let myself fall into a depression, boredom and whatever else is eating at me. Couldn't sleep the last couple nights, and not happy at all right now. And I know it's a lot to do with sitting on my ass playing computer games when I wasn't working on everything else under the sun.
The battle now begins, hell a week ago I was ready to start going off on my own, now I feel like once again I need my hand held, FRUSTRATING. The brain supposed to be easy to manipulate either good or bad, so hopefully I can retain a short memory on this ordeal I'm going through and fight it. Just frustrating that I enjoy computer gaming online, but due to anxiety issues with sitting on the arse doing it, letting anxiety feed off it, apparently i'm limited to what I can do with a computer for a while again, hell maybe for good.
Just my advice, get off your ass take the dog for a walk, anything but sit on your butt and let anxiety stay with you, longer you sit there the worse it'll get.
talk to you soon.
Lance
