Saturday, September 1, 2012

Happy Labor Day!

Still falling behind on my darn posts, been trying to keep busy busy busy..... And it works, been feeling wonderful, trying not to spend so much time in the stores, yet staying active and trying newer things, which I haven't found much new to do yet.

And yep still trying to finish painting, should be done today,  it got so hot out again, couldn't have the windows open to air it out, but just a bit left in the kitchen then finished!  Does look great, and I love change, the new colors aren't really my cup of tea, but gotta make Jeanne happy.  Looks a little too pink to me in the living room and kitchen, but it's a warmer feeling, calming, so I guess it'll work.   Bedroom and the bathroom kind of off yellow with a couple walls a brownish, once again not my color, but huge difference from before and looks nice.

So, anyway,  need to get back to "art painting" but after so much time doing this crap, not sure I have it in me.  Need a new hobby I guess, been playing guitar again off and on, which is nice to do again.  But I find myself getting bored too easy,  not depressed which is good, but not a lot of things are making me want to get up and go in the morning.  Loki of course, makes me get going early, and like taking care of my 55 gallon fish tank, relaxing watching those fishies swimming around,  plus have a smaller 10 gallon in the bedroom, serves as relaxing night light and if you can't sleep it's like counting sheep watching them swim around also.

Loki according to the vet is suffering from allergies and just hasn't felt the greatest for a month or so now.  Lot of trouble with his ears, now his right eyelid keeps getting red and a bit swollen, and a couple spots on top of his nose, doing all we can to help him with it, but feel so bad and I worry about him so much.  Especially since he has to get "fixed" sometime very soon, really not looking forward to it, and wish it didn't HAVE to be done, but since his nuts haven't dropped at this age, they won't, so they gotta go.

Been spending a bit of time reflecting on where my anxiety was, and to where it's gone, what I've missed, and what i'm going to do to make up for that time lost.  Came acrossed some notes from my first doctor when this started a LONG time ago.  Was surprised how much medication I was directed to take, and why didn't it work?  Was taking about twice what I do now, and I just got worse. One of the notes was about two weeks of keeping track of medications I was to take, when I took them, and what my weight was each day.

That wasn't a fond memory to reread.  When it all started I was a bit chubby 210 pounds or so, over 6-7 months I was down to 136 pounds!! The note was disturbing to read really,  it was during about 1/2 point of the weight loss,  1st day was 160 lbs each day there after dropped at least 1 pound a day, sometimes two,  just wasn't able to eat or drink,  especially eat, about twice a day I could get some liquid to go down, but I was so petrified of choking, I'd just cough it up,  so down the weight went.

Down to the lowest 136, then the ambulance took me to hospital.  So, zip to 6 months ago, where I was again tipping the scale right around 200 from way too much drinking, trying to deal with the worst anxiety of my life, but wishing that each day 1 pound would come off lol.  Lost 18 pounds in a month in a half after drinking down to 182 just where I want to be, feeling great.

Ok, anyway, moving on from that,  the kids start school on the 4th, so happy day, less stress around here for a bit, didn't get a chance to go camping, so we're thinking next weekend.  I actually like camping in the winter also, so anytime is good for me. Probably been 12 years since I've been camping. Looking forward to it.

Need to start painting and selling paintings, not sure if I'll ever be quite the level I need to be at to get a "normal" job again.  I miss selling real estate, but didn't keep my license up, and studying and taking that test again doesn't sound like fun.  Really need a job that can be done from home, but no clue what that is.

Anyyyway, happy holidays, stay safe.