Monday, September 3, 2012

Helping others?

A while ago I finally got a new police scanner, hadn't had one for about 12 years, and I really missed having one.  Being an ex-police officer, I missed the feeling of being involved, or heck, just being nosy I guess.  But hearing the chatter brings me back to the old days, even though I wasn't a cop for maybe 5 years total.  Sadly I could of retired by now if I stuck with it lol, started way too young at 19 years old,  but I loved it.

Grew up around Tom and Jim Erb, and John Strause,  which I had to pleasure to work with in official capacity, so it seemed like it was just natural for me to do it.  Unfortunately at 7.20 a hour being a cop didn't appeal too long to me, without a college degree to go along with it, apparently I was going to be stuck in a real low wage career that just isn't worth the risks you take at that kind of money.

But, still miss it, hence the police scanner, keeps me in touch.  But, the more I listen to it, the more and more you hear ambulance calls for people suffering panic attacks.  Now, when my issues started, I really had to search on the internet for anxiety and panic issues.  They were the closet medical issues, ones you didn't hear or talk about.  It's "mental" so they must be nuts or going crazy.  Well, heh, that's not the case.

But, it amazes me the amount of people now you come in contact with that suffer from anxiety in shape or form or another, and it's no longer as "hidden" as it was, but still seems like it's the embarrasing disease hushed at parties.  Someone with chronic diarrhea that people would make fun of at parties,  which is no laughing matter, took a back seat to panic attacks.  Why?  who knows, don't care.  I don't go around meeting people and saying , hey I suffer from anxiety attacks and panic disorder, nice to meet ya.  But I don't hide it away, I sure used to,  a lot of the issue was fear of embarrassment of someone finding out, or seeing me in one my of less than gratifying panic attack moments.

On March 12th this year, when I went to the emergency room every single person I came acrossed there, nurses and doctors all took medications for anxiety, and similar or exact meds in which I was going to be prescribed that day and to this day. Not sure that made me real comfortable but ehh, ok.

But as I was saying, more and more people aren't coming out of the closet for sexual persuasion, it's because of anxiety disorders or similar issues, and seems to slowly, I mean slowlllly, heck it's going on over 10 years now for me, that's it's starting to be a coming thing to discuss in open, no longer do doctors and nurses look at you like you are nuts, they understand it,  the internet is overflowing with talk of this occurence,  another like I had posted in here, don't recall something like 12 million americans suffer from some sort of anxiety.

Ok, anyhow,  "helping others",  the police scanner is alive with patients requiring assistance with panic disorders/attacks and need help.  I get the urge to try to contact them somehow, to help them, i'm sure it would be out of place I dunno, stepping in where I don't belong, but I know I could help them get through the moment they are in.  Everytime I hear the call out for those I just want to call the dispatch and ask if I can help, even if by phone.  I know for me, just having someone to hold me, or talk to me when i'm having a bad day, especially a panic attack day,  you don't want to be alone right then and there, you need someone to lean on, even if on the phone.

I get a knot in my stomach every call for help I hear and can't do anything about, I suppose sure I could go be an EMT, but might be pushing it for me right now during my healing process, I'd rather stick with what I know through my heart and soul right now, up down and back completely.  More than any psychologist or psychiatrist know that's a fact.  Unless you have lived it, dealt with it, and fought it from inside, you can't truly explain it to someone or put them in your shoes.

Somehow I'd like to help.  People out there still in the closet and unwilling or unknowing how to get help or are too scared to try.

See ya soon.