Long time no see!

I know it's been a long while since I have written a new blog in here.  So many people have asked me to keep writing it.  So let's do that here quick, get some people caught up in my life I guess.  I just haven't felt motivated to write lately, been trying to live life outside of a computer.  But it keeps dragging me back into it.!!

Alright here goes nothing!   From you loyal followers to someone that doesn't have a clue what I am talking about.  Neither do I!!  SO we are in the same boat.   Which is weird, there is no water where I am sitting.  So the boat is somewhat odd placement.

Moving on.  Some know some do not. I'm on disability for my anxiety problems that still persist on a daily basis.  And let me tell you I don't get much, after paying doctor bills, car insurance for a vehicle I can rarely drive, and daily expenses etc etc,  Not much left to go with.

The thing Is the only job I can really do with a certainty is from the computer at home, basically have to still have a "babysitter"  when I go out and about.   Jeanne is the default choice there, she's a trooper with that, but after 12 years of the ups and downs,  I try not to be TOO much of a pain to have my taxi service waiting for me to holler.

I suppose I better bbbbblog for a bit

Gun season is here weeeee.  I look forward to the first hour of gun season and that's it.   Don't have enough deer the way it is, and so many people just kill and kill and kill.  The saying of "if it's brown it's down" just sucks I hate it.  Too many hunters see brown no matter what size the deer and just kill and kill.  Then wonder why we have no deer around anymore.  Idiots.

Well opening day I saw a lot of does and fawns and a couple small bucks, but don't need the meat really, only going to shoot a trophy buck, but at least I saw deer.  Sadly most the deer I saw are probably dead now.

But whew was it freezing cold as heck both Saturday and Sunday. Wow it was cold, then today we got 2.5 inches of the white stuff and still cold as heck out.  Only thing nice about that frigid temperature is not many guys are out and about that's for sure.  At least that will save some deer.   Hope the snow leaves soon, makes gun hunting way too easy for everyone to see the deer, track the deer etc etc.

Getting easier to sit in tree stands!

Didn't even notice until today, but getting in stand and staying in the stands is getting easier and easier, feel much more comfortable.  So that's a huge upside,  downside is, can't get any good sized bucks to actually make an appearance at least close enough to shoot anyway, getting frustrated.  Dad and I saw all kinds of bucks running around this morning, 3 only had one antler , one side missing, we have some really crappy bucks around here.

I did see one that was an actual shooter but of course he was hot on a does butt, 150 yards away and wanted nothing to do with me, and that buck had a forky behind him, and then a button buck got on his tail.  pretty funny.   Saw a ton of big Turkey gobblers come by this morning also.  So we sat in the same spots tonight, figured they'd still be chasing that doe around in there tonight.  But we both blanked, not a darn thing moving anywhere.  What a boring night.

Went for a cruise around  Josh's hunting area with Jason the other night, and only saw 124 deer, and about 15 bucks 4 really nice ones.  *sigh*  wish we had that kind of deer around.  Couldn't even drive down the road, there was deer walking right down the road, crossing everywhere, laying five feet off the road, it was insane.  Haven't seen 124 deer since beginning of bow season around Argyle combined, maybe half that. Let alone ONE night of driving around.

Winter is here?

Nice seeing the white stuff falling for a little while, but go away hehe.  sure is pretty out though.  Fun on deer stand, you can see everything so much clearer and further.  But alas,  I didn't see a darn thing tonight.  Everyone else did that hunts with us saw a bunch, but not me what the heck.  And it was a frigid night on stand for sure.  My butt kept freezing to the seat on the stand.   Wind howling, looked like a great night after a storm moving through but not for me.

Anyway, last 4 days been up and down, have a good day then bad day , rinse repeat.  Today been great, but the deer stands been winning,  well I shouldn't say that.  right now we're even 2 to 2.  Made it through two nights without having to get out and relax on the ground for a bit, other two nights I was up and down several times, those nights of course would explain lack of seeing anything at all, not tonight, was real good.   This morning same.  But first night back I was a mess,  I was up and down 5 times and never did settle down.  Oh well, I'll keep fighting.

Stayed in the camper last 3 nights, however, tonight and at least tomorrow I'm going to chicken out, down to zero windchill and windy, the furnace works good, but propane isn't that cheap after awhile, so I'll just have to go inside for a couple nights then back out.  Just love it in that little camper.  Quiet, peace of mind, no phones ringing.  Peaceful.  Except the 20 mph winds shaking the thing all over.

Thought a couple random pictures were needed lol

OK, so roads were looking a little slick today, talked Jeanne into staying until tomorrow, she'll make the trek back to Burlington for a while, I'll stay here and keep trying to find my "good" buck.  Yeah I shot two little ones, but hey, I haven't shot a deer in 15 years, I'm entitled I think to thinning the herd a bit right?

I'm good on meat now, two deer will get me through winter and then some, so I don't really need another one, BUT  I really want to shoot a good buck, been too long.

Been and interesting year,  lots of ups and downs and breakthroughs.  No set backs worth even mentioning.  Can't wait for the next year to see what challenges I can tackle.

Anyway,  mostly just been hunting and pushing myself more than I should probably, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

See you tomorrow.

Lance

The hunt continues!

And I must say it isn't going well.  But I am getting worn out quick.  Thing is, trying to hunt only out of tree stands, and it's really rough on me, I can relax to a point, as long as I can hang on to something but that makes it hard to shoot, I don't know if it's just fear or it's something to do with my medication also? I just don't know, but some of the stands just aren't easy to sit in.  But it's really wearing me out, it's constant adrenaline pushing through me the entire stand time no matter what, let alone when a deer starts to come him, your heart starts pounding a bit more on top of everything else.

No matter how little or big a deer is, when they come in, the excitement or more so the enjoyment of seeing them coming in so close is always there, why it's so much fun.  And work.  But having to stay so still, and move so slow and quiet, that wears on you with your adrenaline pushing through.  I'm about all in by the time I get done with hunting each time, takes me a while to calm down when I get back home.

Then Dr. Lance G hits a huge body nice buck, with his stone tipped arrow, so we have to miss the Packer game to help him trail his buck over by Brodhead,  got to bed at 2 am. that hurt, didn't hunt that morning hehe.  But was so nice to help Lance find his great buck!  That's the only thing I'd miss watching a packer game for!

But it's been non stop goin going gone.  Dragging deer out, getting up early, going to bed late, and now time change is coming up soon, which will screw us up more and more.  Get up at 4 am yuck.  And this week we'll have 5 or 6 more people staying at Dad's so it's going to be a madhouse non stop, and other friend hunters stopping in, no rest for the weary I guess.  Feel like the walking dead, I guess I'm glad it's not in the Rockies going up and down those hills!

Heck with it, I am crazy, everyone else is.....

Well, Dad is off on his hunting trip for Elk in Colorado, and I'm all alone with my pup Thor, he's good company I guess, but not much for conversation.  Already lonely and feeling stressed, kinda dumb but that's my life.  Guess I just deal with it.  Fixed my chainsaw, going to cut up some wood today, actually tomorrow probably, supposed to be beautiful and much cooler out.  Set up my painting easel and paints, canvas ready to begin,  the enthusiasm for actually painting hopefully will come with it, but not so far.

And can you imagine?  Sent a picture of me "mooning" the camera and got called "rude"  LOL, me?? nevvver.  Oh well I laughed,  does that count??

Was hoping to enjoy a day and night without someone around, but not so sure now.  And I really hate sleeping alone,  dog sleeps UNDER the bed, and my dad isn't much help in that category either, no he doesn't sleep under the bed, as far as I know, he's odd but maybe not that odd.  And he surely doesn't sleep in MY bed!!

Two days until opening of bow season, I'm actually excited!  Even though I'll probably only go 5 or 6 times until the rut starts,  but this will be my first bowhunting season in 16-17 years? maybe 18 even. SO yep, excited.  Hopefully get over another fear I've gotten of getting into actual tree stands, so far now it's ground hunting in blinds for me, will just have to do, but I hate not being able to see very far and see what's coming.

Also planning on working on boats and trailer I have acquired, and doing a little bit on my pop up camper, and maybe sleeping in for "finally" the first time maybe Friday night. But it's kind of in a "stored" location, not really ideal for camping behind 2 gas tanks, get to smell diesel fuel all night, whoooppeee.  And hearing 3 coon dogs bark close by all night sounds appealing as well.

I guess my lonely little bedroom in the house may sound a bit better.  Since I have no vehicle here to go anywhere with, or to hook up to the camper to move it right now.  Maybe i'll get to watch the NFL game tonight on TV!! Instead of Dad's constant bombardment of hunting, fishing and cooking shows!!  Yes I love to DO all three things, but I get so sick of the shows about them, drives me nuts, of course he knows this, and probably why he watches them nonstop.

Ok, going to get something accomplished today, I'll write more later.

Lance

Actually looking forward to Burlington return

At this point, we have returned to Argyle, and settling in for the weekend, and we'll have to return Sunday, as my medication I take once a day will run out, and I really have to take that one. Need to talk to my doctor about it, because I don't think I need that particular one.  He has me on three of them,  one I take only as I think I need it, and it's an addictive one supposedly, since it's a narcotic called Lorazepam.  It calms your nerves basically.  But I'm well ahead on taking that mad, probably have a month and a half supply now, because I just don't take it very often, but good to have just in case I have issues like I did in the Dells.

But the one that supposedly isn't addictive, if I miss it for one day, I feel "strange" if I miss it for two days I normally have a pretty good panic attack.  Now,  is the drug really helping?  Or is my body withdrawing?  Or, well, I'll have to ask him I guess,  it's only a 75mg one called venlafaxine,  he had me on 150mg once, and holy crap, that wasn't good, took those for maybe 5 days and wanted to throw them in the river.  Horrible dreams with nasty nightmares, odd thoughts, etc etc.  Back to the 75mg and still wonder what exactly they are doing to me.

OK, anyway,  since my episode in the Dells, actually a couple, I just haven't been feeling like myself as I've got to know since I have been getting better.  Just couldn't get myself settled completely.  Really needed to get back to Burlington for a bit.  A lot of the pressure I think I was feeling, was just from going to the Dells in general.  A lot of new adventures I hadn't been ABLE to do for, well going on 12 years now.  So, I think it was  bit overwhelming altogether, and after that I feel like I'm being pulled in fifty directions at once.

anxiety is a funny adversary,, not

No clue what's causing it, but knowing how anxiety works I  have a couple thoughts.   For the past 3 nights been having terrible troubles sleeping. Soon as I lay in bed, I start getting uncomfortable,  anxiety uncomfortable.  Start having trouble breathing, that sends me into the next step of worry, then pretty soon, i'm fidgeting all over, worry and stress about why it's happening, then pretty soon, I'm in a full blown panic attack mode.  Now, that said the attacks don't consume me like they used to.  I deal with them as long as I can then I get up and do something until they pass.  But that's now 1:30 or 2:00 am that i've been struggling.

And I like to get up at 6:00 am with the dogs, go for a walk with them, get them and myself exercise that helps keep the anxiety demons at bay for them and myself.  My first thought on the matter is.  I started shooting my longbow in preparation of archery deer season next month.  I haven't shot a bow in 15 years.  Muscles I haven't had a use for are now awaken from a dark cave and dorment area.  That new pain and sensation I'd rather not have, and wasn't used to made me uncomfortable the first of the 3 sleepless nights.

So, I believe that's what set it in motion, is some real pain in a new muscle area that hadn't been around since I was in my 20's lol.  Nonetheless, it triggered a few worries that shouldn't of mattered, but whatever, they did.  And now i've grown a new pathway in my brain that going to bed means i'm going to be uncomfortable and have a panic attack.. Poof,, there it is, 3 nights running now,  it's 1:30 am as I type this to get it off my chest and out of my brain.  And the dogs will miss their morning mile or so walk cuz I'll be tossing and turning until 4:00 am with this crap.

So, I turn to one of my now growing mound of hobbies,  online games, painting, guitar, fixing things, ie: trailers and camping trailers etc.  training the dogs,  I really could go on, but those are the main ones, and I swap them out as necessary to keep my brain away from thoughts of panic and anxiety.  Lately i've been well enough I don't even take my medication with me when i'm out and about on my own.  Wise or not, i'm testing myself I guess.  I keep pushing my limits to see if , to see if there is one?  And if there is,  I find away through it and on to the next.  Worst thing I can do is let my panic i'm having as I type this with going to bed leak into ANY other part of my life.

I'll work through this like i've done everything else so far in my life, just relearning to walk again in another phase of my journey.
Anyone else with the issues? Don't dwell on em, just try to meet them head on, if you hit a brickwall, don't bang your head on it, use your head in another way, if it's bad enough,   Get some help, it's not a crime, or embarrassment to admit you need, or rather want help.  Want is a much better word.  I use the "need" word as a joke at this point.  Most people that know me well know my sense of humor is off the wall, slapstick and tom foolery.  And often hear,, "you need help" or "you just ain't right"  well no kidding,  I know that, and the State of Wisconsin agrees with me, duh.. i'm on disibility for anxiety disorder.

It's not funny, but , ah hell yeah it is.  I know mentally i'm fine, as in i'm not a danger to anyone or myself, I can be trusted with the elderly, sharp objects and kids...  Ok maybe not sharp objects, especially crow bars, crow bars and I have a love hate relationship , but i'll tell that story another time, kind of a painful one.  But yeah, i'm getting help from the state, I NEEDED it.  Now I just want help to continue my battle. I want to enjoy life as much as I can as normal as I can.  10 years without being able to wake up in the morning and smile for any reason was hard.  Hard on me, hard on my loving dog Simba and Jeanne of course.   I think Simba took it the hardest.  He couldn't understand what was wrong with me,  can't explain it to him,  he just knew the walks we went on were hardly ever going to happen again.

The games we played changed, i'd suddenly be unable to do much more than cry at times, to the point I was too scared to go outside at all, even to take him out to go potty, Jeanne would have to,  and all I had to do was open the patio door, walk 11 feet to his tie out, hook him up and go back in.  Couldn't do it.  too far, too scared, couple times I made it that far,  I RAN fast as I could back to the house,  crawled even one time it hit me so hard.  The world was a large scary place that I was not welcome in any longer.

Simba became my sensor. amazing dog.  I'd be sitting in a chair, and he'd come over and flop his big head in my lap and look up at me,  he could tell, I didn't even know, but there was a panic attack coming on, from who knows what, and sure enough within minutes,  BAM, and off my brain would go. I'd hold him as tight as he'd let me, he was there for me every step of the way, wanting to understand and to help.

Ok now I have tears, I miss him dearly and have to move on, his death wears on me still because of the years I couldn't be more for him than I was for many years.  That's why I have 2 dogs now that I spoil and spoil, and give them everything they need and more, and they give it right back ten fold.

Looking back, Mowing forward

Looking back, just something I haven't even given much thought to since I've been getting better.  Hard to believe it's been over a year (march 12th 2012) since I couldn't handle the panic attacks any more.  Still remember the dreadful days leading up to the visit to the emergency room.  And sitting and waiting and pacing for nearly 4 freaking hours in that emergency room.  Shaking, trembling, scared to death.

Yeah, was NOT real happy about that.  But dammit I was there, I was not leaving until I got help for this crap, no matter what.  But the memories of how bad I had gotten.  The misery I was in,  Blah, was just terrible, I can't imagine anyone ever going through that. I've talked to so many with panic and anxiety, literally hundreds, and thankfully nobody else I've come acrossed has had panic that bad.  Not a contest, but just glad is all.

So, over a year, and the leaps I've made to me is just unreal, going from what I was, to what I am now, boggles the mind truthfully.  Anxiety is still there, yeah.  probably always will be to some extent, at least

that's what the doctor "hints" at more or less.  But not being a prisoner to my own mind any longer is just plain awesome.  I still feel the need to take steps to make myself feel, well I guess "safe" while i'm out alone places, especially new places I haven't been.  Always have a cell phone with me, and I usually take my medications with me in case I need a bit more help.  But rarely do I ever take any extra.

Just being able to go to Argyle to see my family.  And be able to stay there while Jeanne goes back to Burlington.  For years I couldn't be more than a yell away from her.  Only person I felt completely safe with I guess?  Hard to explain it, so it's refreshing to say the least to not have to rely on that "need" and go do our own things when we want.

So, mowing forward, of course that anxiety and panic still rears it's ugly head occasionally, last few nights had some pretty tough times when I go to bed, have to get up for a while and paint, or get on the computer until it passes.  Had a few times in the car lately where I was ready to jump out, but it passes. So, it's all about fighting, learning and winning the battle, not letting it win, not giving in to it, remembering you won't die from it, just breathe, relax,think of something else and it'll soon go away.

IT IS BACK!!!

Been asked by, well a surprising amount of people, where is your blog?  Why no updates?  To be honest there is a couple reasons,  one I just got healthy enough I got sick of sitting on my ass and thinking of anxiety problems, and just started living more and more,  2nd?  Got tired of writing about it basically.

But, now that I pulled it out again, it's actually kind of nice to start again.  I'll have to try to catch up from where I left off last December I think it was, but for the mean time, I'm just going to be in the present here and a little of the past.

One other reason I decided it's time to pull this out and start writing again, is .....  A lot of people I've come across, friends and strangers alike, that suffer from a wide ranging ailment of anxiety and panic disorders and I've been able to talk openly and honestly with them how to help cope with their specific issues and problems, and to what from my vast experience in the matter can I'd say professionally state my opinion on what they can do for themselves to better their lives, and hopefully lessen or admonish completely the wondrous world of anxiety.

So, here I write, wondering about my own future.  I've overcome so much in a years time, quite amazing to me and probably others as well, as bad as I was March 2012.  It's really a miracle I think.  But you do reach a plateau in areas.

One issue I have,  if those that don't know, I am on disability from the state, and I have about a year left of my 3 years, and I think I'm probably well enough that I won't get an extension on that.  I didn't want to be on it in the first place,  but there is no way on earth I could of gotten to where I'm at today without it.  Unfortunately the amount it pays me a month isn't anywhere near enough to keep up with bills I have, and things I want to do personally to try to push myself further away from anxiety.

I've been able to work some with my cousin Matt, just to basically test the waters,  but I'm finding that I can only work with someone else, at least right now, that I know, am close to or trust, or all the above.  Not sure I could survive alone doing something, however the problems I had in the past mowing lawns seems to have dissipated considerably,  even to the point I've nearly fallen asleep a few times while riding on the mower.  Going from ready to jump off screaming after 5 minutes versus taking a nap, shows a heck of a lot of progress in my book.

But I do have issues from time to time doing it,  an unhealthy reminder that my life still feels the tug of anxiety trying to grasp me, so the work and push forward is never ending indeed.

Time to Start blogging again. The Hunt chapter one:

Alright, yeah I've been inconsistent with blogging, and lot of people have actually asked when I was going to start again,  so, here's to my public followers, and thank you for reading.

Ok, I left off I believe a good month ago, our big trip back to Argyle and my first time hunting since 1996, this really is a great year for me, first time fishing in about 12 years, first time hunting since "96".  Things really are moving forward, not FAST by all means, still have occasional issues, but damn, I'm going hunting.  If you ask Jeanne, was driving her nuts, I was SO excited to get going, was ready to leave a week before season opened.

Well time had come, and we took off, the 3 of us on our next journey, Loki as excited as I it seemed, he was a nervous wreck worse than I.  And once again, great trip had no problems riding in the car whatsoever,  but Grandma wasn't going to be home yet, she was still in hospital in Darlington after her second successful hip replacement, so after morning hunt on Saturday we'd go see her in the hospital, that'll be another step for me, another new place to visit, well not knew, but since my anxiety is slowly getting worked on, everything is new to me after so long in my mental prison, like learning to walk all over again.

Here comes Santa Clause! too early

Well, we got done with the Mukwonago house basically on the 1st for move in today,  last 3 days of working were 12 hour ones and I had come down with a nasty nasty cold, was miserable trying to focus and get crap done.  And I don't think anyone but Richard still has gotten a thank you for doing all the work for the mother in law.  That just eats at me terrible.  And I was messing with the kids in the kitchen a bit ago just now, and got a "why don't you go somewhere else from the woman again.   *sigh*.

So, I guess I look forward to seeing MY family coming up soon,  deer hunting starts on the 17th, I still plan on going, or at the least going over there for a few days, would love to stay for a week, but I'm sure Jeanne will go nuts being there too long without her internet.  I miss it a little, but after a couple days, you just forget about it, busy doing other things.

Coyotes are calling!

About a week since my last post, just haven't felt like writing, and that's not good for keeping my readers happy.  Sorry about that.  Felt fine, just been running around doing crap.  So, the trail camera I bought,  wasn't happy at first, but a lot was user error.  Too high placement, too low, tinker with settings.  One hint is don't put it on too small a tree, every breeze that blows you get 30 pictures, you get a big windy day you'll fill the camera up with 600 pictures of the wind blowing.  Been there, done that.

About 3 feet off the ground and sturdy attachment will get you what you want.  Which in my case after a week of tinkering was one morning dove flying by lol.  But, besides my interest in critters of all types, I'm using this as another thing for me to do to push myself and make myself walk further alone, and with Loki away from the house.  At first I kept moving the camera a little further away, but now I have a great spot about 300 yards or so from the house on a fence line.  I shouldn't be checking it everyday, due to getting my scent in the area too often.  But I look forward to the exercise and the unknowing what might of been captured.

Brain damage? Nah it's all in your mind!

Since there is over 20 million americans alone who suffer from one or another ailment of anxiety, that's just in the United States,  millions more world wide, it can't be brain damage causing the anxiety, least not all of us.  So, when you hear "it's all in your mind, get over it", don't let it bother you.  Because they are right.  To a point.  It is all in your mind, but it's not like a fear of heights, snakes, spiders, whatever phobia ails many people.  It's just not the same, sorry.

With severe anxiety disorders, such as I have, more so "had", there is a pathway in your brain that has been somewhat, some way altered.  Basically meaning the previous daily routine now becomes difficult.  When you come to the daily routine, the pathway in your head that's been damaged in a manner,  what used to be second nature to achieve, now has this road block.  And it is physically there in your brain, it's not imagined, the pathways have actually changed. That's what cause severe anxiety.  You have to actually form a new pathway, by basically relearning what used to come natural to you, and bypass the old block in the path.

So, when you hit that block, you now start to worry. "oh no, yesterday I had a panic attack when I was going to walk the dog, I better not do that today."  And that leads to no longer doing that particular thing.  Then you are working in the garden, have a panic attack for whatever reason,  guess what,  new block in a pathway.  And that according to the doctors is truly there and happening.  Your brain regenerates the pathways, but you have to form them also, you learn constantly.  With helps from medication making it easier to rebuild your path, you will get less blocks.

It's not like a fear of spiders, where if you constantly subjected yourself handling them until your fear was gone, which may work not sure, I hate spiders, where as anxiety the fear isn't really seen, it's felt, and you'd think you would be able to control your own body, since the brain is part of it, but it's a miraculous thing that brain, some smaller than others :)  but with blocked pathways built up, especially in myself having built up a lot of road construction upstairs over 10 long years,  it's basically like learning to walk all over again.

So, yep it's all in your head, they are right, but those that don't believe in panic and anxiety, aren't informed completely on what is truly the whole story.  So, next time you hear, it's all in your head, get over it,  agree with them, and maybe educate them a little on the part they missed.

Moving on.  I've been bad about keeping up with my posts lately, as winter approaches i've been trying to push myself doing different things than normal, since i'll be locked up inside i'm sure more when it's cold out.  Therefore i've lost a lot of interest in my posts, sadly.  Was really enjoying seeing nearly a hundred people a day viewing the blog and growing, it's really dropped off, my fault I know.

News on the homefront.  Went to the dogpark nearly at dark last night, didn't take any medication yesterday, well took my regular ones, but not the "relaxant" ones that i'm supposed to take morning and night,  but I wanted to challenge myself to ride to the park, and do it without "help".  And I was pretty darn jumpy, but survived it ok, no damaged pathways.  Soon as I got home, I looked at the med bottle put one in my hand, and then put it right back in the bottle.  Lifted weights for 15 minutes and painted for a half hour instead.  Screw you anxiety.

I'll be trying that again without meds, i'll take them with.  Sometimes just having the miracle medication around, is like a kid with a blanket, makes you feel safe.  But that's why I wanted to go without. You take the meds long enough they start becoming habit, you "need" them.  Just like alcohol becomes a habit or smoking or whatever.  So, I need to be able to do this without relying solely on the meds or face addiction, habit, or a blanket that I need for comfort always.  I survived it without a full blown attack, so I don't "need" them that much anymore.  But do need to keep myself going for a while yet, I'm ready to walk, just not quite ready to run apparently.

Let's see,  Loki's allergy issues or whatever it really is,  finally seems to be healing up, so soon it'll be time to call the Vet and get his nuts wherever they are chopped.   I'm not looking forward to it, he don't know it's coming, but I guarantee if he did, he'd not look forward to it either.  I'm sure a lot more than I.  But, they haven't dropped after 7 months, they aren't going to.

Bought one of those trail cameras, trying to figure it out, seems straight forward but sure not getting much at night, supposed to have 55 to 60 foot infrared range, which is very good distance for these cameras and 8 megapixels, also very good.  But night time range i've tested isn't getting more than about 10 feet.  Anyway, trying to get pictures of the damn coyotes that keep invading us, and it gives me something new and different to do.

We'll see what happens. 

Later,

Lance

Family visit and back to same old same old

Well, finally got rid of the family that was down to visit *JUST KIDDING*.  Always great to see them, and keeps me wanting more time with them.  Paid back Grandma for the weight I put on when I was over to them last,  Had to laugh when she weighed herself in the bathroom, "FOUR POUNDS!" I put on 4 lbs since we were here.  Hehe.    And she also mentioned she found the pine cone I stuffed in her shoe about a week after we had left Argyle.  Somehow I got blamed for it.  *shrug* dunno why.

Love that lady.  But it did seem like we didn't stop eating or munching the entire time we were together.  Best food from our family I tell ya. Heck with Paula Dean lol.   OH, that's right, wonderful family heh, I knew about time they would be here on Monday, so Loki and I walked towards town about 1/2 mile to "meet them" more or less, I figured they'd drive by and leave us stranded, which they did,  Greg leaning out the window asking which way to Burlington as they laughed and whooshed by me trotting behind with Loki in tail lol.

Packers, what is wrong with you!

Bad weekend for Wisconsin football geez.  We need a new defensive coordinator, time to say goodbye to Capers and promote Kevin Greene the linebackers coach,  and order a new pair of hands for Finley, "elite" tight end my butt.   And Badgers? wow you guys didn't look worth a crap, enough said.   We need a running game all the way around in Wisconsin apparently.

Anyway.  Waiting on the family to arrive, should be about a hour now, and last night the excitement of seeing them again had me a tad on the edge, couldn't sleep worth a crap, so i'm dead dog tired.   Speaking of dead dog,  coyotes keep picking away at Niko's grave site, and it's REALLY starting to piss me off.  All I have for weoponry is my longbow and a few arrows, have my 2 pistols from my law enforcement days but no ammo, need a long rifle to deal with the issue.  But before getting doctor help, I honestly didn't trust myself with any weopons around as bad as I was feeling with my anxiety.

But now, any thoughts like that are long gone.

Figuring out some issues

Going to skip over a few days to get right to the present time, because I've been having some bad flare ups of anxiety the last week.  Biggest thing I believe I can attribute to it, is I've been playing some computer games for quite a long time at night for past 4-5 days.  Today at home wasn't feeling great, needed to go to the hardware store for a part for a light fixture.  Wasn't comfortable going there, and was ready to scream in the store, couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I've been to this store already, just once but it was still not foreign to me.

But i'm really quite pissed off at this panic i'm feeling.  Or more so annoyed with letting it get to me, and probably causing it myself.  I know playing video games and sitting on my ass leads to issues with anxiety every time.

Back to "normal" ?

Well, home again.  Already miss the farm,  but I know for a fact if the farm still had cows?  I doubt I'd be saying the same thing.  But, now to clean up the aftermath of short vacations with clothes and dog toys to find home for, and the closet I cleaned out after a short 21 year tenure.  Wow what a flashback to the 80's holy crap!!

Did find quite a few hidden treasures that were long forgotten, but that's not important to the world.  Not sure we even got a welcome back except from the kids,  all I heard was "we wondered when you were coming home, the grass needs to be cut".  Welcome home! 

It's Monday, need rest!!, spent the whole day just trying to organize the mess we brought back,  Loki was right back at home and right back to normal, not sure I was though.  Not much really happened besides back to the normal routine right off the bat,  constant knocking on our door, and being pulled away for constant,  "I can't find this, where is it at".   Wasn't my day to watch it response usually gets me a dirty look, but heck I didn't touch whatever you are looking for, why do we always have to know where everything is gee whiz hehe.

The big trip!

Going to start this off with the day of the big trip to the farm.  Didn't sleep much at all Monday night, too excited and I was a nervous wreck the entire day Tuesday.  Had to constantly keep doing something I was a jitter bug all day.  Busied myself packing the car full of everything I could think of, and cleaning our house so we came home to nice clean place.
Loki knew something was up also, he can read how I feel, he wouldn't let me out of his sight all day long, followed me everywhere, little fella needs his sleep too young yet to not have his naps.  He was going to be GRUMPY,  and he has puppy class tonight!

Two Days To Go

Two more days til we take off on our mini-trip, for me it'll be a challenge, if I continue to think about it. The anticipation and excitement is slowly driving me crazy. Trying not to let fear sneak in, I know I can make it without trouble, but then there is that "will I", that keeps knocking on my door.
So, I keep thinking of ways that I'm going to surprise my Grandmother, who I keep getting excited in the fact that she thinks they are still leaving on thursday to come to see us down here, haven't seen her in 5 months, I miss her. But she's busy getting food ready to bring, she seems to love that, loves to spoil her grandson hehe, and of course I allow it, have to make her happy you know. But, while she keeps busy getting ready to come here, telling me all the food she wants to "bring" instead we'll just be there to enjoy.