Just one of those days.

Ever have one of those days?  You don't think you woke up the wrong side of the bed, you don't think you are in a bad mood. But just nothing seems to be in the right place in the world.  Everything I seem to say today is taken in a bad way, and the more I seem to talk, chat and anything in between, comes to a screeching halt by looks of discontent with my manner I'm bringing my thoughts to light.

So, what do I do tonight?  I write some more.   Great idea right?

Probably something to do with the pain I'm in. Have a bad neck and back, the neck is more than a pain in the neck today, can barely move my head left to right without screaming.

So, as I annoy the world one person at a time, my evil plan apparently is unfolding before my eyes and I didn't even know I had a plan.  granted It is definitely not a good plan, and not sure the outcome of said plan is worthy of exploring further, but maybe if I shoot for the stars here and have a goal in mind, maybe my day will turn around and starting making people smile again instead of having them give the one finger salute and run away.  No It hasn't been my intention, but as today draws to a close, it's surely not looking any brighter than it started out.

I can't think of a darn good thing that happened to me today.  I woke up,. I guess that's something right there.  Really hard to write this without that first happening, So I can be thankful for that.   Got to watch my 10 year old Niece's soccer game today, good time, but didn't help my neck much. But still fun to see her out there competing and having fun.

Trip planning has begun!

                                                                             

Ok, so, last post, was about planning a trip to Washington state to see My aunt and uncle,  and now that is confirmed and planning has begun.  sounds like my Mother from Alaska, is going to be able to get down to see us as well.  Been 15 years since I've seen her as well.  I should put a picture of her on here, she would kill me. but almost worth it.. almost.

Going to be a long drive, about 2300 miles one way from Wisconsin.  Right now looking at going to Mt Rushmore,  Yellowstone national park.  and Glacier National Park on the way out to Olympia, Washington area.

Spring back ? Fall Ahead? Where is summer?

You have to be kidding me, so we made the trip to Argyle last weekend, to see family and meet up with friends for a "working" supper.  And we get dumped on with a foot of the white powdery stuff?

Someone needs a talk with Mother Nature, must be her time of the month or something this is ridiculous.  Only in Wisconsin can you be sunbathing on Saturday and Snowmobiling on Sunday. Gotta love it.  Guess I do or I'd move to Alaska where the weather apparently is more on an even level with the time of year you happen to live.

Ok time for a new blog!

Been running around here and there, been dealing with a horribly infected tooth, have a good deal of excuses to haven't gotten a new blog out recently.  then Amber has her 3 kids here who are all getting or have the flu and colds, so I'm looking forward to see if we get the illness.  But in the meantime, we move on right?

So, been hunting every night, trying like heck to get up in tree stands to get over my fears in that avenue.  Win some lose some so far.  I can seem to get up in trees without stands "OK" but not great, but the man-made ladder stands so far has been a real issue for me.  If one has plenty of tree branches close by I feel safer, like I can grab them if something happens.  I tend to start getting dizzy and feel like I'm going to be launched out of the darn tree. But a lot of the stands don't have much for branches anywhere or around or it's just small tiny branches with leaves and that's it, and I can tell, soon as I get up in them, my world starts spinning and I gotta get out of there fast.

But I've managed to get up in a few stands and last the night, so It's getting better, but It's not comfortable at all, at least until it gets close to end of season, gets a little darker out, the world seems smaller I guess, and apparently that still affects me how the world appears to me and makes it more comfortable.  Plus that's when most the bucks start moving, so I have more to keep my mind occupied on something else and tend to not dwell on my issues.  Otherwise I'm hyperventilating and shaking the whole night.  Not fun at all.

Amber whined so, new blog post!

Sometimes I hate this laptop.  Had a whole blog written last night and accidentally hit the touch pad which apparently and occasionally highlights the entire post and deletes everything, oh well, shall try this again.

Anyway, I recall talking about hunting again, but I'll shorten it up some.  Been going out almost every night, just makes me feel so good to BE ABLE to go out on my own and do it.   Last night didn't work out the greatest, didn't see much of anything but turkeys and as I usually don't even take my medication with me hunting anymore, I was glad I did last night, was feeling like crap, wasn't even up in a tree, and just wasn't feeling good at all.  Oh well I survived.

However, I have two teeth giving out on me, that kept me up until 4 am this morning, and that makes life just so wonderful.  Could not get to sleep, I gave up and had a drink which knocked me out in about 30 minutes, I didn't want to, I want to completely give up any taste of the booze but I like the stuff, but it does not mix with me well anymore, it sets off anxiety, and with any meds in my system It is really not healthy.  Apparently I have an addictive personality, no I don't mean others can't do without me, we know that isn't true, I just tend to get addicted to, well tobacco and liquor.  I even completely taped up the entire bottle of booze with duct tape to ward off some of the spur of the moment temptations.  Well it worked for a bit.  But darnit didn't work long.  Booze just seems to suck life out of you, makes you not give a crap, saps your energy to get up and go, sure curbs the creative thinking.  I could go on and on, but that's my perspective.  Going without touching it for over a year, my eyes were opened a great deal how much you can accomplish without it.

Sadly I figured out I wouldn't die taking a drink while also on my medications, it may shorten it, which scares me, but apparently not enough.  Do I need help?  Well not professional, just a nudge to stop when I get the urge.

What's new?

Well, not a ton of news, love the new Dodge, thinking of getting FORD decals for it, so I don't feel quite as odd driving it. last 4 vehicles have been Fords, grew up with Fords. Oh well, nobody will recognize me in a Dodge, I guess that's something eh?  The thing is bright red, that'll surely go unnoticed as well.  Maybe I will spray paint it camouflage or all black. That should up the value.

Anyway, not great on gas, it is a beast of a vehicle. Room of a minivan inside, tons of storage space and can tow a whole lot more than our Escape did.  Which we will hopefully need.

Ok, on to the hunt!  Some may recall last fall, I went gun hunting for deer for also the first time in at least 15 years, and needed a baby sitter next to me opening day, and slowly after that no longer needed someone right by me, but nearly within screaming range, or at least by phone and quick rescue by Coast Guard!  This is a two part story I guess.... Now I rarely even take my medicine in with me for that "just in case I really feel rotten" times.   So, I am progressing with that, taking away my crutch having my meds is a big step for me and no longer needing anymore remotely close is also a great upswing.

Also, last fall I was totally unable to get in a tree stand of any sort off the ground. Well shouldn't say that, I got in one very easy, and was ready to launch myself right back out face first I got such a panic attack so quickly, I hung on to the top rung the rest of the night shaking, but did not want to give in and go all the way to the ground and let another fear rule of me.

So, this year bow-hunting, it's so much better to be up in the air, can see game coming, they can't see you as easy, and so on and on and on.  So, I am determined to win that battle, and have had some success.  First couple nights I looked up at that stand, and just shook my head and said the heck with it,  right now I am just happy being able to hunt on my own and not have to be concerned about help, or taking medicine to get by.  A  couple of nights I stood in the stand for a little THEN I felt like screaming and launching myself out.

So, tried a different approach, I started climbing just up in trees without stands,  I only got up to 12 or 13 feet, which is better than a kick in the butt, and had no trouble at all.  So I progressed with that approach, and finally got up in a "man-made" stand the other night,  and sweated and shook and hyperventilated all night, but I made it through 2.5 hours of it.  So, it starts, next time maybe it will be easier, maybe not.  Everything new is a fight with anxiety,  and everything you don't do on a regular basis becomes a struggle again.  Like lawn mowing.  I got to the point this summer when I was so comfortable on one again I almost fell asleep several times.  Now it's been close to a month since I have had to be on one, or couldn't be due to rain or whatever.  Today was a struggle again.  Was having immediate anxiety problems trying to cut down the hayfield of a front yard.

Ok, New truck, life slightly back to normal?

Alright, so life getting slowly back to normal I guess, fast and furious search to replace our broken up Ford Escape by that nasty little deer has come to a speedy conclusion already.  Faster than I really thought it would, I was being very picky.  Was looking for another Ford, that's all I've ever liked or had.  But when you see a price tag at a dealership for 12,000 bucks on 100,000 miles on 2004 models ?? I don't think so.  But I used the time to play with the salespeople to see what kind of prices I could get them down to.  Little surprising how overpriced the dealers have them at apparently.  So, playing with salespeople got to be fun, got 12000 down to 7900 pretty quickly.

But that wasn't even the price what it was worth. So, more calling more dickering on prices, until I got kind of talked into a Dodge Durango.  83,000 miles for one heck of a price.  I might even sell it for what it's really worth I got such a good deal on it.  I even test drove it, and really amazed at how great that SUV feels.  2006 model , v-8 4.7 liter engine, the thing roars, looks good and feels like a tank and drives like a Mercedes.  Within reason anyway but you get my point.

Interesting few days

                                                       The poor truck.

Well, was all excited to go hunting, then of course I get the phone call from Jeanne that she hit a deer outside Janesville, and by the steam coming from the front of the truck, yeah well not good. Of course that upset me a great deal, yeah should of asked if she was ok, but, like a "guy" was more concerned apparently for my vehicle (hey she wouldn't of called if she wasn't ok) so, I guess it was presumed.  But all I saw was dollar signs shooting out the billfold.  Good insurance yeah, but still a big pain in the ass. And my poor Ford Escape.  Now I get to wonder if the damage is enough that they will want to just "total" it, and hope I don't get screwed with insurance payout.

So, anyway, that of course sent my anxiety into it's own little overdrive, wasn't bad, but no way I was going to be able to drive over there to pick her up, or even ride along at this point.  So Grandma and Aunt Linda to the rescue!  They didn't get to Argyle until about 12:15 am.  In the meantime I was making phone calls to insurance agent to leave a message, I took care of calling the police and setting up all that crap.  Jeanne was a tad upset when she called, so spent the time calming her down,  I gave her little things to do at the time, to get her mind off it, didn't seem to take long.

Had her check on the deer, to see if it was hurting or dead, that took some prodding to do, have to tap on it's eyeball to see if there was any reaction, she apparently wasn't too thrilled about doing that,  finally achieved that and there was no reaction, so the deer didn't suffer at all, was dead on impact.  as apparent with the damage to the poor Ford.  Was hoping to keep the deer, but with that kind of hit on it, wasn't much meet left to be preserved.
                                                         
                                 the accident scene can see 1 small left over piece of the truck

Heck with it, I am crazy, everyone else is.....

Well, Dad is off on his hunting trip for Elk in Colorado, and I'm all alone with my pup Thor, he's good company I guess, but not much for conversation.  Already lonely and feeling stressed, kinda dumb but that's my life.  Guess I just deal with it.  Fixed my chainsaw, going to cut up some wood today, actually tomorrow probably, supposed to be beautiful and much cooler out.  Set up my painting easel and paints, canvas ready to begin,  the enthusiasm for actually painting hopefully will come with it, but not so far.

And can you imagine?  Sent a picture of me "mooning" the camera and got called "rude"  LOL, me?? nevvver.  Oh well I laughed,  does that count??

Was hoping to enjoy a day and night without someone around, but not so sure now.  And I really hate sleeping alone,  dog sleeps UNDER the bed, and my dad isn't much help in that category either, no he doesn't sleep under the bed, as far as I know, he's odd but maybe not that odd.  And he surely doesn't sleep in MY bed!!

Two days until opening of bow season, I'm actually excited!  Even though I'll probably only go 5 or 6 times until the rut starts,  but this will be my first bowhunting season in 16-17 years? maybe 18 even. SO yep, excited.  Hopefully get over another fear I've gotten of getting into actual tree stands, so far now it's ground hunting in blinds for me, will just have to do, but I hate not being able to see very far and see what's coming.

Also planning on working on boats and trailer I have acquired, and doing a little bit on my pop up camper, and maybe sleeping in for "finally" the first time maybe Friday night. But it's kind of in a "stored" location, not really ideal for camping behind 2 gas tanks, get to smell diesel fuel all night, whoooppeee.  And hearing 3 coon dogs bark close by all night sounds appealing as well.

I guess my lonely little bedroom in the house may sound a bit better.  Since I have no vehicle here to go anywhere with, or to hook up to the camper to move it right now.  Maybe i'll get to watch the NFL game tonight on TV!! Instead of Dad's constant bombardment of hunting, fishing and cooking shows!!  Yes I love to DO all three things, but I get so sick of the shows about them, drives me nuts, of course he knows this, and probably why he watches them nonstop.

Ok, going to get something accomplished today, I'll write more later.

Lance

OH no, I must be crazy!!

Oh no, the voices are back!!  Then I realized oh crap, I have my headphones on listening to a book, geez.  Nah just kidding, never heard voices, but here I am almost 3 in the morning, ideas running through my head, "no they aren't speaking to me".  Thinking, wow I say and do some really stupid things.  So why not write about them?

A lot of people say that when you have a panic attack "it's all in your head, just snap out of it", well yeah it is in my head, wish I could just pop it out lol.  But as I lay here typing away, I do think about what is "nuts".   At times going through horrible panic, I wondered, really am I losing it? Or had I never had it?  I look back at my grandparents, parents, cousin Matt and definitely his wife!!  My wonderful sister Amber is in a league of her own!.  Heck we're all nuts, just to what degree?  I believe we've got it under control in the nuts department.  We have fun, that's it, and the circle we're in with family and friends, to be honest, tend to get sucked into our own fantasy of insanity world, and it's quite humorous.

Like Grandpa Bob setting off quarter sticks of dynamite on tree stumps for fun, or the time when I was changing a light bulb for Grandma and he was sneaking up behind me while I was on the ladder with a firecracker in his hand, lighter in the other, just a giggling away.  Hell yeah my family is nuts!! And I love them for it. And miss terribly the ones that have passed. The stories will live on forever.

But that's a different kind of nuts, that's just family letting loose, I have endless stories that would make these ridiculous TV shows now a days beg for our script that is always ad-libbed and off the cuff, it is no act, it's just the way we are.  Take it or leave it.

But as I go through my healing process, I find myself wondering, what is really nuts?  In my estimation, it's doing things without comprehension that you are actually doing them.  therefore I take a breath and relax just a bit, I hope.  I joke way too much,  rarely serious unless the time calls for it, but during this "process" I'm going through, it seems to be my safeguard, a safe place that keeps my brain going constantly to ward off the anxiety that's always nipping at my heels.

I'm fully aware of the stupid voices I chatter with to get smiles on others, the wise cracks I make in the stores to total strangers and have them giggling down the aisles.  The constant practical jokes I pull on anyone and everyone.  Never once have I heard a voice in my head, unless like I said, forget the stupid head phones are on and you think, oh no!!!

It won't kill you! Might feel like it though.....

Yeah anxiety and the related issues with it, especially agoraphobia, is so debilitating that it can feel like you are slowly dying most the time until a nasty panic attack hits you, then you are certain you are going to die, right then and there,  but apparently it doesn't I'm still here,  I think?  Once you get forced indoors due to agoraphobia, you are backing yourself into such a small world that eventually you will be scared of doing anything at all, you can try to get into routines that helps for awhile, but soon, anxiety grabs a hold of those and makes you constantly change who and what you are.

As I spoke yesterday about my new friend who is in the aggressive state of anxiety, panic and agoraphobia,  I sympathize so much for her, and remember for myself the pain and anguish I went through, and what I put those around me through.  If you don't have panic yourself, you just can't imagine the pain and suffering it's like, and when you feel like everyone is against you, telling you to "just snap out of it"  it hurts, it's simply not that easy, especially when you get into the agoraphobia stages of being basically scared to death of the outdoors anymore.  For me that was enough to not want to live anymore.  I couldn't hunt, fish, hike, bike, not a damn thing I grew up worshiping doing.

So, when my new friend tells me she lives 1 mile from a hospital, oh boy has that struck home.  As I've written before in early blogs, It took me 2 visits to the hospital about 8 years apart in time to fix my issues.  The first time was in the ambulance, and I couldn't follow through with appointments after I got home, mainly because I just didn't have enough of the medications I'm on now to get me well enough to brave the trips.

The 2nd visit, I lived only 1 mile from the hospital.  Seems like karma here.  But I was in such a dark desperate place, I had simply no choice any more.  I can't even explain again, just how bad it was, in winter I had to go outside in shorts with no shoes and stand in the snow until the pain was so bad it got the anxiety to go away for a matter of minutes, yes minutes only, I was in total terror everyday for about 2 months.....  SO,  that was IT, I told Jeanne, I don't care if it kills me I'm going to the hospital right now,  of course I knew it wouldn't kill me, I've been through everything that could be thrown at me already, a 60 second car ride is NOT going to kill me, and I'm going to a place that, well, what better place to go than a hospital?  Whatever you got they can help you,  I wasn't worried about freaking out, or going nuts, I was GOING to get help and was not leaving until I got what I knew what would help me.

And that's what I did.

Once upon a time......

Felt good with my last post, needed to vent and get rid of some baggage that weighs me down.  Probably won't change a thing, but kind of helped airing my brain out.  Which is getting filled up with a lot of interesting new knowledge taking the Wisconsin Trapping Course to get a trapping license this year.  No clue why exactly, but it is quite interesting learning about all the fur-bearing critters out there.  Love learning new things.

But geez,  42 years young and I'm back to doing homework?  Really?  Oh well, maybe we'll see if my brain still functions or not.  We'll get back to you on that one, I know you''ll be on the edge of your seats wondering if I still have brain function yet.

Got back to work on the travel trailer, the thing is gutted of everything nailed, screwed, glued or tattooed down,  except the ceiling and walls, few things to deal with on floor yet, but really I could start laying down new flooring today, so I have something better to stand on than some plywood laid down on the supports below.  Maybe I will just park it outside of my old friend Jim Carter's house late at night, see if he magically fixes it up for me?  He does that sorta thing,  it's on my way to Argyle , in Brodhead, hmm, think he'd mind?

Actually looking forward to Burlington return

At this point, we have returned to Argyle, and settling in for the weekend, and we'll have to return Sunday, as my medication I take once a day will run out, and I really have to take that one. Need to talk to my doctor about it, because I don't think I need that particular one.  He has me on three of them,  one I take only as I think I need it, and it's an addictive one supposedly, since it's a narcotic called Lorazepam.  It calms your nerves basically.  But I'm well ahead on taking that mad, probably have a month and a half supply now, because I just don't take it very often, but good to have just in case I have issues like I did in the Dells.

But the one that supposedly isn't addictive, if I miss it for one day, I feel "strange" if I miss it for two days I normally have a pretty good panic attack.  Now,  is the drug really helping?  Or is my body withdrawing?  Or, well, I'll have to ask him I guess,  it's only a 75mg one called venlafaxine,  he had me on 150mg once, and holy crap, that wasn't good, took those for maybe 5 days and wanted to throw them in the river.  Horrible dreams with nasty nightmares, odd thoughts, etc etc.  Back to the 75mg and still wonder what exactly they are doing to me.

OK, anyway,  since my episode in the Dells, actually a couple, I just haven't been feeling like myself as I've got to know since I have been getting better.  Just couldn't get myself settled completely.  Really needed to get back to Burlington for a bit.  A lot of the pressure I think I was feeling, was just from going to the Dells in general.  A lot of new adventures I hadn't been ABLE to do for, well going on 12 years now.  So, I think it was  bit overwhelming altogether, and after that I feel like I'm being pulled in fifty directions at once.

The Hose has arrived

Well, we awoke hungry again, bright and early, dogs pottied and we had to decide to spend another good chunk of cash on another night in the hotel,  today we had planned on going home, but without my vehicle working properly, would be kind of tough,  we still had Jeanne's sister's vehicle, but if we took that home, I can't imagine they'd be too happy not having a ride to get home with on their own.

Checkout was supposed to be at 10:00 A.M.  it was about ten minutes to, and said the heck with it, might as well just stay another day,  we were supposed to hear about my truck by lunchtime, but if we didn't get the room by 10, who knows if you'd be stuck without a room, or end up paying 300 bucks for the only vacancy in town otherwise,  so, I made the call, asked for a repeat customer discount, which he at least gave me 15 percent off the third night.  Car guy hadn't called yet. *sigh*

Dad looking for some fun at Paul Bunyan's...

And off we went for breakfast.  This time it was at Paul Bunyan's.  Very good food, busy as all get out, and reasonable prices, and it's all you can eat.  Just don't look at ANYTHING in the gift shop, worst prices I've seen in the Dells for souvenirs.   Ridiculous prices.  But food was very good.  And they get you in and out of their fast, man they must rake in the bucks in that place.  Anywho.  We filled our bellies up for sure, and loaded up,  Jeanne was going to go play miniature golf since it was only 87 degrees today at 10:30 am.  So, was almost long underwear weather compared to the last 2 days, I wanted to take dad to the deer park,  and Jeanne dropped us off.

Roller Coaster Rides

Nah, not about amusement parks.  Living life of anxiety is full of ups and downs,  I know quite a few people with Bi-polar disorder and can sympathize with them as well.  Heck, maybe we're all messed in the head to some point or another anyway,  so why not just live on.  But, as far as my life goes, seems to rise and fall with some bouts of depression.  Have not had a lot of it since I've been "recovering" to normal life, but for some reason the last three days going on four now,  at least I assume anyway is due to some depression. as to what it's from i'm not really sure.

Working on these campers/trailers and making minimal progress, and not finishing one before really diving into the other probably didn't help.  But excitement was there and now it's dwindling a bit.  Need a refresher of some sort to get back on track.  Every gain right now seems to be off-set by two negatives.  Either way i'm not going to lose any money, just time invested even if I sold either or both trailer/campers right now, both are going to be substantial money gains.  But just getting to the end of what I'd like to have happen is trying.

So, that's what I'm putting my state of grumpy time to I think.  Spending so much time demolishing one, rebuilding another, then thinking of what it will cost me in materials, and then hope I get it back it out once I do, of course i'm worried, add stress, it's hot out, not enough sex ..........  errr moving on.

Just tired of feeling crappy for past few days.  SO dammit, I bought a bottle of booze to put it right on top of my crappy attitude tonight.  And for those who are curious?  Don't try this at home!!  Now and then I've decided to have a little nip.  Not much, just a little.  And for the first time in 3.5 days I smiled tonight. Yeah that's not good, and no I won't look to the bottle to solve issues, just felt like having a drink for a change,  I should not have one, tomorrow i'll pay for even for drink, and with my meds in my system it won't help things, and heck can't even think real clear as i'm writing this, so i'll have to read this tomorrow and see what kind of things I thought up.

Time to Start blogging again. The Hunt chapter one:

Alright, yeah I've been inconsistent with blogging, and lot of people have actually asked when I was going to start again,  so, here's to my public followers, and thank you for reading.

Ok, I left off I believe a good month ago, our big trip back to Argyle and my first time hunting since 1996, this really is a great year for me, first time fishing in about 12 years, first time hunting since "96".  Things really are moving forward, not FAST by all means, still have occasional issues, but damn, I'm going hunting.  If you ask Jeanne, was driving her nuts, I was SO excited to get going, was ready to leave a week before season opened.

Well time had come, and we took off, the 3 of us on our next journey, Loki as excited as I it seemed, he was a nervous wreck worse than I.  And once again, great trip had no problems riding in the car whatsoever,  but Grandma wasn't going to be home yet, she was still in hospital in Darlington after her second successful hip replacement, so after morning hunt on Saturday we'd go see her in the hospital, that'll be another step for me, another new place to visit, well not knew, but since my anxiety is slowly getting worked on, everything is new to me after so long in my mental prison, like learning to walk all over again.

Stress stress stress

Well yeah, been awhile, October been just brutal month of constant running with really no pay off it seems.  Just stress and more of it.  So, without further introductions,  I guess i'll try to catch up where I left off.

Last time I posted was about 16 days ago, which seems like 2 years. The month started with Jeanne having to take her dad to milwaukee for his radiation treatments.  So, I'm home alone, which yeah big deal right?  Well she's gone from 3-5 hours, that's new for me over the past 10 years, so that raised stress levels way up, but surprisingly didn't really effect my anxiety, in the past that would of driven me into a frenzy, but I survived it, only lasted a couple weeks I guess.  What's funny about it,  her Dad would drive 30 minutes to Burlington to meet with Jeanne then have her drive using our gas, so he could save money.  So nice of him.  That's part of my stress I live around, it's little things

But, my main cause and concern, and yeah i'll get yelled at for posting I guess the issues I have with my mother-in-law, but if you don't want to read about it, don't read it here!  First of all she don't like men, so strike one on me, no she's married, seperated of course, just doesn't like guys, and most women the way it seems, unless she's trying to impress someone then you see a different person, soon as they are gone, back to same old same old.

This will take a bit to go through.

Moving on, one day at a time

Well, been awhile again, just haven't felt like writing lately. lazy I guess.  Loki had his surgery last Tuesday, everything went very good, good but costly, darn expensive.  But hopefully worth it in the long run,  sure an empty house without him around.  hated it.  Got me even looking for another puppy just for my own well being, and just in case scenarios. Hate to think that way, but besides we WANT more dogs,  two would be plenty,  and more costly, but we love dogs so much.  Going to keep looking very hard,  Loki will be healed up in another 10 days when he gets the cone of shame off, and his stitches removed from his belly.

Poor dog, a good 8 or 9 inch incision on his belly and all shaved off, plus front leg party shaved, I assume for the intravenus (I-V) and a scab on his back between his shoulder blades, I think is the microchip implant.  Sure cant' even tell he's had surgery. The first day back, he was a little down, but not for long, now 5 days removed he's raring to go, but he cant' do much for another 9 or 10 days.  Took forever the day we were to pick the little brat up from the Vet's office.  I was watching down the hallway that goes into the "vet's" area,  and Loki must of heard my voice,  here I see him pop his head out of a doorway, and yeah, the nurse wasn't gonna hold him from coming to see daddy, not my boy hehe.  Here he comes, and I tell ya,  I got mauled with kisses all over, whining and wiggling doggy happy to see his dad.  And vice versa.

Family visit and back to same old same old

Well, finally got rid of the family that was down to visit *JUST KIDDING*.  Always great to see them, and keeps me wanting more time with them.  Paid back Grandma for the weight I put on when I was over to them last,  Had to laugh when she weighed herself in the bathroom, "FOUR POUNDS!" I put on 4 lbs since we were here.  Hehe.    And she also mentioned she found the pine cone I stuffed in her shoe about a week after we had left Argyle.  Somehow I got blamed for it.  *shrug* dunno why.

Love that lady.  But it did seem like we didn't stop eating or munching the entire time we were together.  Best food from our family I tell ya. Heck with Paula Dean lol.   OH, that's right, wonderful family heh, I knew about time they would be here on Monday, so Loki and I walked towards town about 1/2 mile to "meet them" more or less, I figured they'd drive by and leave us stranded, which they did,  Greg leaning out the window asking which way to Burlington as they laughed and whooshed by me trotting behind with Loki in tail lol.

What's new in the world of anxiety?

Heck not a lot hehe.  Feeling good, my last post left me with feeling really uncomfortable in a store, and that night I went back and we went to 3 stores and a nice run in the dog park just to piss off anxiety and let it know who's in charge.  Felt good, great really.  Got a bunch of food, munchies mainly for my families visit tomorrow.

Bunch of cheese, even bought some Limburger, gee whiz that stuff stinks, you get passed the smell?  You know what that stuff is pretty darn tasty, can't believe I actually tried it,  Grandpa Bob loved the stuff, I do see why now, but man it stinks like a pair of gym socks stuck away in a corner of a locker for a couple months.  But tasty all the same, not that I've tried gym socks but the cheese is good.  And of course had to buy my swiss cheese, love it love it, must be cuz I'm swiss who knows.