It's too hot for even anxiety this summer. Getting tired of this heat wave, too hot to do anything outside, and sitting inside trying to keep busy cleaning, chasing the kids around doing whatever I can to stay active driving me nuts. Bad thing is, it's starting to remind me of when I couldn't go outside at all, now it's due to excessive heat, but feeling clausterphobic now.
I seem like at this point I have reached some sort of plateau. Anxiety and panic are basically under control, I have occasional issues but nothing that stays too long. Went shopping in this heat yesterday, and had a little trouble in the stores, was not comfortable at all, which really worried me. Haven't had issues with stores for quite some time, so now it's on my mind, "what changed".
Going to try and exercise as much as I can today, get myself good and tired physically more than usual and hope that puts the blip on the radar yesterdays anxiety brought to the curb. Because we have puppy class tonight and that involves a 20 minute car ride and a hour in the store with the dog. Last weeks class was fine had a lot of fun and no panic showed itself.
It's also time I started painting again, I need other pursuits to find happiness, finding myself just stumbling along without direction now. That plateau I mentioned, it just seems I've reached a point where I'm not pushing forward, or going backwards which is good, but not progressing it seems anymore. Maybe time to schedule psychologist again, see if she's had time to think of something useful to help me. Getting frustrated a bit now, although nice to wake up without anxiety, I seem like there is a wall surrounding me with no gate wherever I go, letting me do only so much.
I do know, whenever I get the chance to go fishing, that wall seems to get a lot wider, even seems to be a few windows in the wall. So that's pure happiness right there. Even if only options I seem to have at the moment is catching some pretty darn nice sized carp. Wow do they fight, but I am getting tired of them pulling my pole into the water and having me chase after it, I guess I really should be taping my fishing outings. Even I'm laughing at myself trying to chase down the pole as it skids along the river bottom lol.
Anyway, while I feel like I'm treading water, 8 days until psychiatrist visit, last time I saw him was nearly 2 months ago, and I'm sure all he's going to do is see if my medications are working and resupply prescriptions, so really nothing to be excited about there I guess.
While I meander along, Loki and I are not loving the heat as the rest of you probably aren't either.
See ya soon,
Lance
