Sunday, July 15, 2012

Nothing but Carp and Heat

Started making plans to make a 2 hour drive on the 1st of August to see my family on the farm, haven't been there in 10 years, that bewilders me. That will be a huge step for me being able to do that. Deciding on best route there, couple options, one is on an interstate that leads to the halfway point which will still be the furthest I've gone anywhere in a car, and also to where there is a hotel that allows dogs for the night in the room.

Which I may need to consider, but interstate driving might be hard for me yet, not sure. The other is more of a backroads, all it's a state road drive, you go through lots of towns, but no overnight options in case I don't handle the drive well.

But this is allowing fear and anxiety to determine my path, I need to not even consider allowing anxiety to be part of my quest and remove this thought from my head. That's how it all started, allowing bad thoughts of the "what if's" to creep in and push me into the house. Ok so whichever path I take it'll be just fine. Moving on lol.

The other bad part right now is the damn HEAT, constant 90's makes it uncomfortable to do much outside for long, means a lot of indoor time that I can't stand anymore, reminds me too much of when I was forced to just stay inside. And there was an oat field next door they picked yesterday, I'm very allergic to oat dust, so I stayed in the air conditioning almost all day until after supper.

So, after supper we went to the dog park again, Loki is slowly starting to get over HIS anxiety of other dogs, loves people to death, but other dogs were scaring the crap out of him. I can understand his fear, and sympothize with it, I can see him in me, and vice versa, that's how I was,  cowering in a corner or behind someone looking for protection from the big bad world.

What's great about the dog park here is the fence is only 15 feet from a nice river, that is really hurting for rain, getting really low, but holds all sorts of different fish. But Loki can run up to the fence to see me whenever he wants and then back to his playing. He seemed to really love that last night. I had to lines in the water while watching my dog play and be happy. I was smiling most the nearly 2 hours there. And I was fishing, one of my pure joys in life. Course I only caught one stinking carp that was about 10 pounds and put up one heck of a fight, was fun, but a carp nonetheless.

But seeing Loki's anxiety's grow out of him and become a happy go lucky dog helps me as well, when he's with me I can comfort him and allow him to express himself and grow just like a child, since I have no kids I'm aware of, my dogs are my children, and I cherish that. Never thought I'd pay for puppy classes either, but doing that is great for him and me, get out of the house, meet new people, and be with my dog. Life and anxiety are much better with his companionship.

But when will this heat stop? No rain, nothing but brown grass, I love thunderstorms, and I think we've had one this spring and summer combined.

Well, couple weeks til my rescheduled Doctor appointment, and continued planning on my long trip to Argyle. Guess I need to just keep pushing along, thinking of buying a bicycle to get more outside exercise and push that direction too. We'll see.

Next time.