Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Big Steps, and new fish?

Taking the psychologists advice, we drove through the Walmart parking lot,  which for me was a long ride in the car, furthest i've gone yet, all the way on the other end of town, which is about 15 minute drive from home.  Yeah for most of you, ya think,  ok so?  Well for me, that was equivalent to a marathon in my brain anyway.  

But the drive went well,  was a bit of jumpiness and a little too much excitement, but not enough to set me back from doing it again.

The next day I was reading through the local classfieds and saw a 55 gallon aquarium for sale with cabinet stand.   OH MY!!  I'd been looking for 15 years off and on for a good deal on a 55 gallon, since we'd given away ours about 15 years ago i've wanted one since then.

Well, I called the lady,  she was an elderly sweetheart who's husband had died just a couple months ago and she was trying to get rid of a few things that was too much work for her to handle anymore, and aquariums can be a pain in the behind.   I made an appointment for Jeanne and one of my nephews to go take a look at it, and possibly bring it home.  The lady lived outside of town a good ways out to the east,  not sure I was ready for that drive and to have to talk with actual living people besides any doctors.

I wanted that aquarium badly lol.  And knew it was going to be too heavy for Jeanne to carry out alone.   So I went,  begrudgingly so, but I knew I had to.  Loki, Jeanne and I jumped in the van and headed out the 20 minute drive, my furthest yet.

And I didn't have one bit of trouble,  zero, zilch nada.  Had a beautfiul drive and fun trip, great talk with the lady, I took apart and emptied the aquarium, and didn't have the heart to talk down the price she wanted, which was already pretty good price, not great but good enough.  And after about a good hour at her place we loaded up and headed home, smiling all the way with my used aquarium, and a lot of hours of cleaning the thing up, was a good 2 inches of black slime under the rocks. YUCK.
Well, I tell you what,  that trip had just sent me into a new world.  I thought I'd have some issues doing that, but not having any?  Wow, cloud nine I say.   Next trip WALMART!!!  And Beyond!

The next day we jumped in the car and headed out shopping!!  This is so foreign to me it's crazy, the thought of actually going into a store and shopping,  I was like a little kid again.   And of course the trip was a little panicky,  was too pumped up,  got there and into the store, it took me about 10 minutes until panic settled and I had a blast,  spent money I shouldn't have and had a great ride home with some new fish and aquarium toys lol.  I was really improving fast now.

So,  with my newfound abilities, I thought I'd stress the point even further the following day,  and drive Jeanne nuts probably for the next year taking me places I haven't been able to go for past 10 years,  but my driver's license had expired a year and a half ago,  not that I'd be able to drive, but I wanted that sucker active,  so we headed out to the west and 25 minute drive to the DMV,  yet again my furthest drive,  and this is also the LAST place i'd gone before my anxiety drove me into the home for a long time.

The drive was "ok" little jumpy on the way, not really excited about the DMW,  it's usually packed, and was no different on this day, wall to wall people,  and I was not having much fun, but I was handling it,  not really a lot to say about the time there, just a lot of waiting , a horrible picture because I was not feeling great,  or getting old, whichever.  But we made it through and the ride home was effortless, not a problem at all, felt great now.

So, on to the next day, mother in law asked us to go get some pull up diapers for the young niece, so ON TO WALMART!!!  Well, we made it half way there, and I was really having a horrible horrible time,  panic was consuming me and couldn't get it out of my head,  so we stopped at Walgreens that have the stuff we need,  was pure hell in the store, Jeanne had to hold on to my hand tight,  I was ready to scream, I wanted to run out of that store and hide in a hole, and of course the lady at the register must of been good friends with the customer before us, chatty chatty chatty,  GET OUT OF MY WAY !!!!   I hate anxiety.

The ride home sucked, I was almost furious,  I was pissed at myself for letting it get to me after all the progress I'd made, this was NOT going to be how I went to bed tonight, pissed off and panicking.
I told Jeanne, take me to Walmart,  "please"  *cough* forgot that part,  the please came a little late, sorry Jeanne.

I conquered it easily, trip was no problem had a blast, and slept like a baby.  Screw you anxiety and panic, I've had enough and I'm going to win.!!!

Time for a fun trip, and stretch my limits a little more,  Lake Geneva beware I'm coming to PETCO!! Hehe.  You can take your dog into Petco, I thought that would be fun,  and I have little problems anywhere I go with Loki, and once again, no problem, fun ride and he loves the car rides,  except he's figuring out how to lower and raise the windows on the car,  they are automatic onces, not the roll up handle ones, he's smart but no thumbs, anywayyyyy.   Loki was more nervous than I was, PETCO was knew to him, and other dogs were around, but after a bit he found there was a lot of awesome toys and treats to sniff around at.   And we spent a good hour there looking at fun stuff and a great trip home,  once again,  anxiety be gone with you I say!!
3 more days til next pscyhologist visit.

Have a Great Independence Day everyone.

Thanks for reading.