Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Roller Coaster Rides

Nah, not about amusement parks.  Living life of anxiety is full of ups and downs,  I know quite a few people with Bi-polar disorder and can sympathize with them as well.  Heck, maybe we're all messed in the head to some point or another anyway,  so why not just live on.  But, as far as my life goes, seems to rise and fall with some bouts of depression.  Have not had a lot of it since I've been "recovering" to normal life, but for some reason the last three days going on four now,  at least I assume anyway is due to some depression. as to what it's from i'm not really sure.

Working on these campers/trailers and making minimal progress, and not finishing one before really diving into the other probably didn't help.  But excitement was there and now it's dwindling a bit.  Need a refresher of some sort to get back on track.  Every gain right now seems to be off-set by two negatives.  Either way i'm not going to lose any money, just time invested even if I sold either or both trailer/campers right now, both are going to be substantial money gains.  But just getting to the end of what I'd like to have happen is trying.

So, that's what I'm putting my state of grumpy time to I think.  Spending so much time demolishing one, rebuilding another, then thinking of what it will cost me in materials, and then hope I get it back it out once I do, of course i'm worried, add stress, it's hot out, not enough sex ..........  errr moving on.

Just tired of feeling crappy for past few days.  SO dammit, I bought a bottle of booze to put it right on top of my crappy attitude tonight.  And for those who are curious?  Don't try this at home!!  Now and then I've decided to have a little nip.  Not much, just a little.  And for the first time in 3.5 days I smiled tonight. Yeah that's not good, and no I won't look to the bottle to solve issues, just felt like having a drink for a change,  I should not have one, tomorrow i'll pay for even for drink, and with my meds in my system it won't help things, and heck can't even think real clear as i'm writing this, so i'll have to read this tomorrow and see what kind of things I thought up.
But for those that suffer depression, not a funny matter at all, can be as bad as panic attacks, well worse than those that just have occasional panic, depressions can be clinical and ongoing and can consume your life. Many end up in the bottom of a bottle,  I think I've been there as well.  Wow what a prize catch I sound like don't I?  If it wasn't for my extraordinary looks.......... ok reality sensor wasn't working, it's on now.

SO.  As I was saying.  One thing that makes me smile..........

........... is picking on her most the time!   HA, thought I'd be saying something nice?  Not me haha.  And yep paying pretty good this morning for having a couple nips last night.  It just doesn't mix with my anxiety at all, it kicks it off in the morning every time.  Just isn't worth it you know what I mean?  Probably :)  Didn't help either that pain in the butt 1 and pain in the butt 2 were nudging me kicking me to get up to go outside and do their morning constitutionals.  But I did sleep well, knocked right off last night. had some really odd dreams.  Probably alcohol mixing poorly with whatever medications that stay in my system.  But if you are a mailman be careful today, had a weird dream about a mailman losing his finger on the job.  no clue who it was!

Now, these two troublemakers keep me jumping for sure.  If they don't have a good morning walk, look out. they are grumpy all day long.  And I don't feel up for a long walk this morning, so, guess who's gonna be grumpy a while today haha.  We need to get away for awhile. Need a break. We MIGHT be going up to Wisconsin Dells next week, drag the pop up camper with us, probably pull it into Mirror Lake State Park.

Happened to think however, a lot of my camping supplies are in Argyle, which means, a 2 hour detour.  Oh joy, thank goodness gas prices are so low.  And that means over 4 hours in the truck with Jekyll and Hyde, and Madam Medusa.  Weeeeeee good times.  I might need to bring some booze lol.  And it's going to be hot hot hot mid 80s and humid.

And we still haven't gotten the pop up completely done, keep finding a few things here and there I want to tweak and change etc etc.  Front launching rocket launchers, things like that.  Wait, that might not work well unless it's unhooked.

Well, anyway I do look forward to trying it out, and seeing what the dogs think about sleeping in there.  Should be "interesting".  All holes are properly patched, any bad canvas has been replaced, the screens are repaired.  Just have to put the canvas back on, take a new picture and see the difference, and off we gooooooooooo.  But while we were working on it yesterday.  I noticed that Jeanne might have been a little "off" at times.  She lost her pencil to mark lines to cut with.. come to find out she was standing on it.  Then looking for a pretty good sized bright colored aluminum step stool she was walking by and nearly reached out and grabbed to get AROUND it,  that missed her keen eyesight as well.   Maybe I should drive?

So, anyway, Jeanne wants to go to the Dells, apparently she has about 14 family members going up there, so I suppose I better go eh?  Or send her with them, and the dogs and I will have a party!!   Of course my wonderful sister Amber will probably have a party that she won't invite me to anyway, she's like that.  Soon as they (my dad),  Amber and brother Josh hear I'm heading back to Burlington, it's PARTY TIME,  and tell me about it the day after.  Kind of a running joke now.  But I do wonder if it really is a joke?  Ah well, i'll just have to tell them i'm going home and sneak back!!!!  Probably dancing girls and kegs of beer rolling out soon as our truck leaves the driveway haha. 

Wonder if I could put pontoons under that pop up and we'd have a house boat?  Ok anyway,  more tomorrow.