Tuesday, June 12, 2012

New puppy and moving forward

After Simba passed the first week of course was just miserable, after 12 years with my friend that was horrible, and he helped me so much with anxiety I knew I needed to find a new friend. Jeanne and I really only want huskies. That's what we love. But wow, they aren't cheap, and I'm not begging for 500 or more bucks from anyone for a dog, even though I really wanted to, had to be another option.

Rescue dogs i'm sure was an option, but I want a puppy one that I can start from scratch you know? Yes, beggers can't be choosers, especially in a time of need, you take what you get right? Well I reached out to any resource I could find in my area of the world, and the call was answered by a long time family friend Benny and Alice Stamm.

My Grandma Eva had come through again, she placed a call to the Stamm's as they have had Alaskan Husky iditarod dogs and ran them in the Alaskan Iditarod for a few years. And they happened to just have one 8 week old puppy, at the grand cost of one quilt my Grandma had made. Even though they didn't ask for anything. I wanted that pup so bad right now, didn't care if it had 2 heads and eyes on his butt.

Well, about a week later the end of November he was with me, what a little puff ball of energy, I was in love and my heart was healing. And the joy of a biting needle sharped pain in the ass would help my panic come almost to a stand still and I felt wonderful. Besides the little brats nibbling.

Within 5 days he was potty trained. We seem to be able to train that with our dogs very quick, Simba took less than a week also. And he kept me entertained constantly, and he hated the guitar, howled like mad at that thing, and loved to find my paint and chew off the lids. Puppies are great.

Well, time passed, he grew, we walked and walked with him. My anxiety was staying steady, with hiccups along the way, some days good some bad, more good than bad with training of NIKO the alaskan husky, playing guitar and painting.

Winter passed into spring and I was out of the house more and more, some walks on my own not far, but with leash training of Niko that helped keep distractions enough to keep me from going insane. Being alone even with a new dog was still frightful and anything over a hour was very hard. But that hour was better than it was at the peak of my anxiety. 5 minutes at times were disastrous.

Painting was getting better as well, apparently good enough now that when family visited they rummaged through my works as it was a rummage sale and walked off with a few each time. I have to frame the ones I really love quick and hang them or they snag them and run off quick!! Hopefully they'll get good enough I can possibly make a living at it someday.

Playing the guitar and letting Niko howl at it constantly is quite distracting and funny as heck also. Not sure if he's singing along or telling me to get a new hobby.

For now, we continued our walks, going further stretching boundaries, trying to expand my safe zones, which is so important, you have to feel safe somewhere besides your home with anxiety, and I was getting to see things I haven't seen for 7 years, seven LONG years. Was feeling just good enough I was starting to make calls to see where I could get psychiatrist help, applied and got the Badgercare health insurance at same time.

I thought, great, i'll find a local doctor and just go, hell with the car I won't die, I hope, in 10 minutes and get help. Well, Badgercare pfffft, closest Doctor they'll accept with that was 30-40 minute drive. Sorry that isn't going to work right now. I was stuck.

It was summer now,  the next Spring would be a HUGE change in my life.