Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Long time no see!

I know it's been a long while since I have written a new blog in here.  So many people have asked me to keep writing it.  So let's do that here quick, get some people caught up in my life I guess.  I just haven't felt motivated to write lately, been trying to live life outside of a computer.  But it keeps dragging me back into it.!!

Alright here goes nothing!   From you loyal followers to someone that doesn't have a clue what I am talking about.  Neither do I!!  SO we are in the same boat.   Which is weird, there is no water where I am sitting.  So the boat is somewhat odd placement.

Moving on.  Some know some do not. I'm on disability for my anxiety problems that still persist on a daily basis.  And let me tell you I don't get much, after paying doctor bills, car insurance for a vehicle I can rarely drive, and daily expenses etc etc,  Not much left to go with.

The thing Is the only job I can really do with a certainty is from the computer at home, basically have to still have a "babysitter"  when I go out and about.   Jeanne is the default choice there, she's a trooper with that, but after 12 years of the ups and downs,  I try not to be TOO much of a pain to have my taxi service waiting for me to holler.

So, if you know any good looking woman looking for something to do when they are bored, heck send them over, give Jeanne a break for a while, she won't mind I am sure!!!!  *cough* uhh, we'll play that one by ear ok?  Alright, so my life has continued on, apparently so or I doubt I would be writing this,  in the past I have written about how hard winters are on me, too dang cold and nasty to get out and walk, shopping, things that just get you out and about on a regular basis as much. So, the bad thing with my anxiety with this issue is, every Spring it's like starting over somewhat again.

I'll have to explain that a bit.  Once I got help from a Doctor with my anxiety issues, I was able to get out of the house and do more and more things,  However, If I didn't do those normal things everyone else can do without hesitation or thought, and do them on a regular daily basis,  they never got any easier to do and would cause very great stress and panic attacks.

For example,  mowing the lawn.  At start of spring when the grass just starts coming up again, and the snow is gone, and you see the after effects of a winters long process of taking the dogs out to do their duty, you notice the immense amount of dog droppings...... sorry got off track there.   Ok, lawn mowing riding mower, got it, back on track here.   Every spring when I jump on the beast to mow the lawn for the first time,  I usually don't last more than 10 minutes before I am nearly ready to go screaming to the house with panic issues jumping in my head.

But after about a month of doing it around twice a week, little by little I get comfortable on the mower, Most times anyway,  I'm at ease with doing it again with little trouble if any. Even to the point where I can mow our neighbors lawn for him also.   But, if I don't mow it due to no rain, or other things in normal life,  I immediately have gone backwards some, and It is sometimes really hard to get back on the mower even after two weeks, and have to rebuild back up the confidence again.

It's seriously like learning to walk again every day of my life.  That's just one example of thousands that are taken for granted daily.  I am 90 percent better than I was before Medication, but I'm still drug back into the hell after winter,  back to learning to walk again every Spring.  It's easier now that it was 3 years ago. But still a problem.So, here I sit, 25 lbs overweight again thanks for that winter.  And can't wait to start working on getting rid of my hibernation belly.  Hopefully  with turkey hunting right around the corner, god willing I can get out there with they guys and chase around the birds, get in shape again.  Just hope the anxiety demons realize I have to get my butt out in the woods.

And cooking yummy star bread hasn't helped my girlish figure much.

Been helping create website with friends, that keeps me hopping, also dabbling with our own websites that have been sitting there for over 3 years, throwing a little content on them here and there to keep the mind busy and moving forward.  

Started several paintings that I have yet to finish.  

Finally got to stop by and see my Grandpa Bob,  As you can see he passed in 2010, and just this past winter I was able to finally go and pay my respects.  

And the same for my other Grandparents.   The really bad things about this?  They have all passed away at the end of December,   28th 31st and January 1st respectively..  I'll let you know a secret,,  I FREAKING HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR NOW!!!

Grandma Eva is still alive and kicking, and has been told by yours truly, that she is NOT allowed when the time has come, to pass away anywhere near this time of year.  And yes I told her if she does we are taking her to the taxidermist having a full mount done, and bringing her out of the attic for holidays.

If you understand my family, yes this won't happen, yes it was a joke, and it's dang funny like it or not.  She just shakes her head, with a sly smile, and whispers  "idiots" under her breath.  Love that woman dearly.
Painted a scene on my cousin Kurt'

s deer skull/deer rack. for him, Someday he might actual get to have it.  A little hard to see with a picture.

And of course a picture of Loki taking a dump in the yard a couple weeks ago before the snow melted.

I can't write a blog without a dog pooping in it, seems to be needed somehow.

I'll leave you with that for now.  

See you later.